a singer in a smokey room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume.

why do all the important people I need end up leaving me?
one way or another,
whether by force and it being the best thing or just because things aren't the same?
it sucks so bad, and its happened continuosly and so often that I've run out of people to lose.
I now have no one. now that sucks :/
im sitting alone in my room because I don't have anything left
I just want to crawl into the little cupboard and cry but that would be too easy.
I just need someone, anyone who can make it all better.
someone as good as the people I lost,
someone who can keep a secret and sings "I've been workin on the rail road" to me :(
more than anything I want the people I've lost back.
but it won't and can't happen so maybe me bitching about it will make me feel better
i just want everything to be ok again
i want my bestfriend back
i want things to be ok with my old bestfriend
i really wish i didnt have so many things i want because its all impossible for me to get any of them >.<> is watch bleach
i hate you blockbuster
i also hate the fact i eat way too much and when i try not to i get all crazy from not eating and not smoking -.-
it would be so much easier if we could just smoke at school
then i wouldnt eat as much and possibly lose weight. -.-

f**k you
i hate you all
leave me alone


i really just want a hell butterfly to fly through my window and deliever me with some remarkable news that will make me ecstatic, it would make everything so much better.
but yet that can never be because anime isnt real life..